Loving Someone You've Never Met

 

We were raised in a society that frowned upon the immaturity of teenagers and views reckless behavior as a misunderstanding of life and a need for guidance.

So the obvious question that pops up - Is loving someone you never met or seen possible?

That's an interesting question; however, the answer to that question is not as apparent or straightforward. I can entirely see how you can fall in love with someone you've never met.  If you both are pen pals (before the internet came along) or are friends with someone on the internet and chat with them on messenger programs, for example, you would know what I am talking about.   Although, personally, I haven't fallen in love online with anyone, however, I have felt connected in some ways to one girl I knew in my mid-teens whom I have never met face-to-face because we lived in different countries.  Both of us were still in high school at the time.

I was 17 or 18 at the time, when I connected with a girl via exchange of letters (snail mail as we now call it).  We started off as mere pen pals in the 70’s and as several months went by, we both felt attracted toward each other even though we hadn’t met or seen one another and over a period of time, the tone of our exchanges changed from flirty to outright romantic.  I was drawn to her as through our exchange of letters as far as I remember was once a week, she came to be the perfect combination of charisma, kindness and maturity.  And then something happened and the letters stopped.

Since that day, I spent years of my life everyday with a hole in my heart.  I always wanted to meet that person even though I had this feeling that it's kinda hopeless endeavour.

Forty seven years later, I’ve still never met someone who has made me feel quite so much.  It’s hard to know whether it was love or if it is the instinct to crave what you can’t have.   What I do realize, though, is I haven’t been able to feel the same type of love as I did when I was 17 or 18.

Falling in love through letter writing has been going on for hundreds of years.  In what sense does it differ from falling in love the regular way? Is this a good way to fall in love?  How relevant is it to modern lovers?

People generally get attracted to each other based on common ideas, common outlook towards life, common value systems, and similar views on important issues.  If you happen to know someone be it via letters or over the Internet, you can sometimes feel connected if your views match theirs. Also, you might like their sense of humor - this does come through no matter what the medium, whether it's through letters, speech, chat, or text.  So, face-to-face contact isn't as essential in knowing the other person.  One can even argue that not having face-to-face contact can have certain advantages.  You may not judge the other person for their physical looks per se, but may get in touch with them on a deeper emotional level. Consequently, I would think you could theoretically fall in love with someone you've never met in person. I know I cared very deeply for this girl

But, could such a love stand the test of time?  Would such a love overcome the potentially high expectations generated through letters, by an online or virtual personality?  Certain personality traits may not be visible or apparent through letters or in the online domain. Would such a love, then, be able to come to terms with the reality of imperfections?

I’ve done a lot of soul searching and personal research on how can a person develop feelings for another just through letters and through my search for an answer I find there doesn’t seem to be much science or even discussion available on the process of becoming emotionally attached to someone you’ve never met.  Virtually all of what I’ve seen has arisen as a function of Internet dating.  A post by Mark D. White, PhD (“Maybe It’s Just Me, But ...”) on the internet discusses people who start to fall in love with someone they’ve never met, and whom they know only from online communication.  It concludes that, while crucial data on another person can only come from physically meeting them, it is still possible, and even desirable under certain circumstances, to begin the process knowing only what can be gleaned through chats, texts, emails and even regular emails; and that process includes affection - the beginnings, even, of love.

A novel from the 1970s, 84 Charing Cross Road, about a purely epistolary -  i.e.  letter based—friendship, shows that the same sort of thing happened before Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Certainly the human imagination is powerful enough to feel affection for people we build solely out of the various data in our head. Novels, after all, are based on this principle—who hasn’t read a book with a character so engaging we feel we know her, or him, and care for that person too? I still feel sad about losing Robert Jordan, in a sabotage attempt in the Spanish Civil War, at the end of Hemingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls”.

Online relationships are an improved version of a writing-based relationship. In the new version, the time gap between writing, sending, receiving, and reading has become almost instantaneous - the sender can receive a reply while still in the same state of emotions she was in when she sent the original message.  This is of great emotional significance, as emotions are transitory and involve the urge to act immediately.

Communication through (offline or online) letters appears to be more suitable for romantic communication than phone conversations.  They are typically deeper, and in many cases more sincere.  Sincerity is a great asset to successful personal relationships and is correlated with a higher degree of intimacy.

Although people can more easily be dishonest about themselves in letters, the act of writing encourages people to present a more profound and sincere picture of their true self.  This is especially true if the relationship continues and develops further.

It is often easier to describe your heart in writing while you are alone than it is when you are talking about your feelings in front of another person.  Indeed, self-disclosure in the initial stages of a relationship is often greater in letters than in offline communication.  Moreover, unlike phone calls, letters can be reread again and again and thereby enhance romantic responses.

Romantic letters are usually written when the person is physically alone, but mentally with another person. Sometimes the writer even knows that the letter will not be sent since there is no physical way of doing so (as occurred, for example, during the Holocaust), or the writer is not mentally ready to send it (as its content may seem risky or too revealing).

When we write a letter, we have a sense of being in company, even if we are secluded. When we receive a letter, the feeling that we are not forgotten is prominent as well.

Letter writing as a romantic process was - and, to some extent, still is particularly prevalent during prolonged periods of war, when men are far away from home, and the only way for them to communicate with loved ones is through letters.

Think back to when you had your first taste of love.  Maybe you realize now it wasn’t love, or maybe you haven’t been able to find someone who compares since.  Whatever that memory means to you, I bet you look back on this time with some sense of nostalgia.  The nostalgia comes from a longing for openness and vulnerability we had when we were teenagers.

The younger we are, the greater capacity we have to throw ourselves into love.  This is because we don’t have years of baggage clouding our feelings, and we don’t dodge potential connections based on the fear of getting hurt.

We have all met someone who has come into our lives in the most perfect manner, someone who hit us in our core with a feeling that could not be ignored.  But, society has taught us to brush off these intense feelings because we are young.  We are told our emotions are invalid because we don’t have the wisdom of age to back them up.  I don’t believe this for a second. Teenage love has the ability to be the rawest, most simplified version of love we will ever experience.

The dating world is tough. It scars you, changes you; it makes you start planning the rest of your life with your best friend, a few dogs and a “don’t fuck with me attitude” in order to avoid being hurt again.

But, maybe naivety isn’t as bad as society makes it out to be.  Maybe, it just means that the big, scary world hasn’t hardened us yet.  We are more open to receiving love and showing ourselves honestly. We dig less and trust ourselves a little bit more, knowing who it feels right to be with.

I completely understand the fact our brains are not fully developed when we are teenagers. We are less mature, more emotionally driven and are much more likely to make impulsive decisions. Often, this results in silly relationships that make us cringe as adults.

Not everyone has a life-changing relationship as a teenager, but I do think the ability to feel emotions with less constraint comes with young age.  Aging leads to experience, and experience can lead to intelligence, giving us the ability to rationalize who is good for us and who may screw us over.

We don’t throw ourselves out there as often as we used to, so we may miss some incredible opportunities to interact with someone we wouldn’t have before.

The most heart-pounding relationships aren’t based on a foundation of logic, though. The best ones are formed by the ability to open up to someone who feels "right."

Love has a way of irrationally steering you toward someone you wouldn’t be able to think your way to. And when we’re teenagers, we give into these emotions so easily.  We follow them, trusting them with that 17 or 18 year-old arrogance our parents told us to drop unless we wanted to be grounded for the weekend. We may get hurt from this emotionally-driven confidence, but we are also given the opportunity to learn.

I believe when we are young, we are fully capable of understanding love. What we had wasn’t perfect, but it may never be that innocent again.

Maturity doesn’t mean shit if you don’t know how to tap into that inner 17 – 18 year-old who so desperately wants to find someone who cares about him or her.

That younger version of yourself was clear of the barriers we are now navigating as adults in the dating world. We're searching for someone who seems logically good, rather than someone who feels right.

So, maybe, being young and dumb and in love was actually the smartest, most honest thing we’ve ever done.

 

WHY YOU CAN NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST LOVE

 

Why is it so hard to forget your first love? Your first love is special because it is the most innocent and pure form of love. No matter how hard you try, you will never stop missing your first love.

Boyfriends and girlfriends in a loving relationship for the first time will forever remember the hugs, cuddles, sweet whispers, long drives, late night conversations, and romantic strolls they had together. Here’s why the beautiful memories of this once-in-a-lifetime experience will linger in your heart and mind for the rest of your life.

  

It is the most innocent love.

One of the core reasons why your first love is so hard to forget is because it is pure and innocent. People don't fall in love for the first time with expectations or malicious intentions. It is a pure attraction, led by the heart and not the mind.

The beginnings of your first love are free of malice and manipulative behavior. The whole world seems beautiful, and life becomes perfect. It is like wearing rose-tinted glasses 24/7, even in your dreams.

This blissful feeling of first love can never be replicated—once innocence is lost on a personal level, it can never be translated in its purest form into another relationship. This is what makes it so special.

 

 It exposes your insecurities.

Your first love and first relationship will expose many of the insecurities you never knew about. For example, your first relationship will be the first time you actually realize what it is like to be a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend.

From jealousy to possessiveness to extreme dependence, your first love is when guys and girls realize how matters of the heart can bring even the strongest down to their knees. The memory of being exposed to your own insecurities for the first time will never go away.

  

It's when you thought that love is forever, and you attached all your hopes and dreams to it.

Guys and girls fall into love for the first time without any assumptions because they have never experienced love before. The puppy love effect makes them believe that this love will last forever.

This sense of lasting love makes you attach all your hopes and dreams to your first relationship. It is like wearing a pair of blinders and focusing all your life's attention and goals to just one thing—your love.

This extreme sense of attachment is hard to break away from. Even after a bitter breakup, you will find it impossible to see yourself living your life without your former significant other.

  

It's the only time you believe in perfect love.

Your first relationship is when you believe that your love is perfect. Your love knows only one language, that which is spoken by your heart. There are no hang-ups, no complications, and no expectations.

This sense of perfectness creates memories that are hard to forget. No matter how old you get, no matter how mature you become, you will always crave this sort of perfection in your relationships.

Once you move on from your first love, it will be disheartening to realize that you will never be able to recreate this type of love again.

  

It is emotionally intense and euphoric.

The sheer excitement of feeling love for the first time will engrave all the sweet memories in your mind forever. On the flip side, your first love is also extremely emotionally intense. The downer after every little fight and argument is exhausting.

This extreme range of emotional highs and lows make your first love a once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that will never be repeated. This is what makes your first love so powerful and intense.

 

It is like any other "first."

Your first love is when you let go and take a dive into the unknown. It is like the memories of all other "firsts" in your life, except that this one is much stronger.

Think of how you will never forget the day when you drove a car for the first time and then multiply that euphoria by a thousand times. Even that may be nowhere near the kind of impact your first love will leave on your mind, making it extremely hard to forget.

  

Your first love is carefree—there are no other responsibilities.

Your first love usually occurs at a young age. You have no spiraling credit card debts, mortgage payments, job insecurities, career problems, family issues, social pressure, or anything else that can make you feel like your life is just waiting to burst apart.

This carefree time was probably when you were a budding teenager, fresh into a relationship with your crush. You had no other responsibilities except to do well in class, which gave you all the time in the world to immerse yourself in your love. Basically, your first love was your full-time job.

As you grow older, your life is burdened with many new responsibilities, year after year. You may never get to experience the absolute and carefree experience of falling in love and enjoying each and every moment of it without having other responsibilities lingering over your head.

This is why the memories of your first love will remain on your mind for the rest of your life—you'll never have such a carefree state of mind again.

 

Your first heartbreak feels earth-shattering.

Just like how the euphoria of falling in love is extreme, so is the subsequent heartbreak. This is the first time you will experience what it feels to have your heart broken. This heart-shattering first breakup is amplified into an emotionally terrorizing fireball, including:

1.  The agonizing feeling of having your trust broken for the first time
2.  The painful sense of regret
3. The haunting feeling of having bared your insecurities to someone for the first time in life
4. The false hope that everything will be okay

  

The memory of your first love is tinged with painful regret.

If love was a poker game, your first love could be described as going all in. Peaking your levels of happiness will weaken your sense of judgment and make it hard to draw boundaries. This makes you do stupid things, including committing too early, putting your hopes into one person, getting intimate even if you are not sure, and more.

All these things snowball into a burden of regret after your first love falls apart. Why did I trust her with all my heart? Why didn't I see that she was cheating on me? These are just some of the elements of the heart-wrenching regret that ensues after the breakup.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE

DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE

 

We often mistake love as generally just being romantic and never really appreciating the other kinds of love that do exist.

SECURITY LOVE:
This love is the love that everybody needs to survive. It is that feeling of being cared for and nurtured. Some people would describe this as the type of love parents have for their children. This is so important: high on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; and studies have even proven that people have died of a "broken heart" (there have been no explanations for their deaths other than that).


FRIENDSHIP LOVE:
This is a love between yourself and someone that is totally honest, open and comfortable. You really only have this kind of bond with a few people. You might know a lot of people and be "friendly" with them in a group situation but they are not the best friends I am talking about here.
I have a theory that you can not truely be best friends with a member of the opposite sex. Down the line romance will always come up from either party and feelings will be misinterpreted and mistaken. When this happens, the friendship will change and possibly never be the same again.


ROMANTIC LOVE:
(The much anticipated love!) Most people experience this type of love many times in their life. It is when you see that person for the first time and he/she makes your knees go weak or gives you butterflies in your stomach.i.e. "Love at first sight”. Most people don’t even love the person they think they are in love with…they fall in love with the idea if being in love. This is more of a lustful kind of love, it wears off after a while and hopefully leads to…


UNCONDITIONAL LOVE:
This is the sincere love, the love that lasts forever. This kind of love comes when you have found the person you are destined to be with. Nothing can destroy unconditional love. It is like when you have an argument or disagree about something with that person and you realize that it doesn’t bother you because the love you have for him/her overcomes everything.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take .............

The full quote is: “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realize who matters, who doesn’t, who never did and who always will. So don’t worry about the people in your past, there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.”


We all have a handful of regrets in our lives that we can never change. It could be anything from fighting to make a broken relationship work to walking out on someone. We make these choices every day and sometimes, I feel that we all make rash decisions without thinking a little bit more on whether we’re going to regret this in the long haul.


One of my biggest regrets when it comes down to just past relationships is not taking any risks. Now that I’m older, I no longer have the privilege to screw up or take as many chances compared to when I was younger. I was always careful, like stepping on eggshells, when it came to dating. I don’t know why. It may have been because I had too many friends that would blow up something great or ruin what they had by getting their girlfriends pregnant. I don’t know, but these kind of influences kind of stick to you as you venture on your own relationships. Too many times I said no to something that could have been great. Too many times I played it low to be safe and not get hurt. But when I look back at it all, I understand why I’m now willing to take risks and why I dated the people that I did.


But the more I think about it as I’m writing this, I’m sure if I kept looking, I could have found someone that could just have been mature and more close to my age that was still fun to be with and yet not have so much drama.


Now, as ripe as I can be in my late 50's, I am not only looking for someone I can look up to but someone I can also hang loose and have fun with. I want the fruits of both worlds. And why shouldn’t I? It’s not like I can only have one over the other. To think that only having a mature companion will solve all your worldly problems is just as unwise as thinking that only having a fun partner will give you nothing but laughs for the rest of your life. Just at looking at myself, I can be such a party-pooper and prefer sitting alone at home reading on a Friday night but I can also watch a few movies and have my brain turned to mush but at least I’m having fun.


So I’m writing this in hopes that I’ll be able to fix my habits of not taking any chances and sometimes going for it just for the heck of it. I’ll try and be more loose and not so reserved but also know how to pick them not because they “seem like someone I can be with” but “someone I want to be with.” And those people that I didn’t take chances with, are definitely the people I think most about.

Beautiful Love Story

A guy met a girl online, and gradually began to chat to each other regularly and became good friends. 

After a few months, they expressed their love for each other. They were happily in love for a few weeks, until one day suddenly the girl stopped responding to the guys messages. He waited and waited ..

Weeks passed, and he still sat by his internet awaiting her message, but nothing..

He was scared something had happened to her, his heart felt like it did but eventually he accepted the fact that their relationship was over. He was heartbroken .. He cried himself to sleep everyday reading her old love messages.

After a few years, he had just started university. After all this years, he stayed away from girls because he couldn't stand the heartbreak, but one girl took his fancy.

A beautiful women, it was weird as he never even looked at girls before, but there was something special about her. So he approached her, but was rejected instantly.

Boy: I'm sorry, if I offended you by saying I liked you.

Girl: It's not your fault .. It's just that I'm already in love with someone ..

Boy: Oh right, I'm sorry. Your already taken

Girl: Actually no.. I fell in love with a boy three years ago, he was from here, but due to the circumstances I had to leave him, but now as an excuse to study I have come here in search of him..

Boy: Wow! Actually I've been through something similar!

Girl: Really? What was her name?

Boy: Alisha (when he looked down at the girls book it was labelled 'Alisha'..)

They embraced each other and burst into tears!

Boy: Why did you leave me??

Girl: I met with a car accident, and was in the hospital paralyzed for a year .. I only fully recovered 6 months ago. Everyone thought I was going to die, but the thought of seeing you kept me alive. When I got better, I planned to come and see you to surprise you, you told me you would only want to go to this university so I applied here too.

MORAL: True love will always find it's way; No matter what obstacles are in it's path. If your love is true; Just wait for it to find you ..?.?

Share if you are touched.

 

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within. The richest person in the world could be miserable while a person living in the slums of a third world country could be happy and content. I have spent plenty of time amongst both groups to have seen it first hand. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

 It’s quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they …

1. Don’t hold grudges.
Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.
Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.
The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.
There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have. 

5. Dream big.
People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life. 

7. Speak well of others.
Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.
Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.
Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.
Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.
Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.
Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.
Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.
A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.
Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.
Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.
Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.
Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.
Get the book that will help you add these habits to your life! Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

21. Establish personal control.
Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.
Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.
 

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

TO BE TRULY HUMBLE IS TO KNOW
THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF

The Gift of Loneliness

Only now, half-way through my fifty-fifth year of life, has it dawned on me that the horrible loneliness I have often regarded as a curse, is actually a gift.

After my bitter divorce. I have suffered through prolonged, and intense periods of loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved. Even the temptation to feel unlovable.

In her book, "God's Joyful Surprise", Sue Monk Kidd says "conversion is a process of growth and change. It begins with God and goes on silently within us, flowering out at certain unique times as He calls us to decisive moments, rediscovery, awakening, just as that initial moment of conversion did."

During the last eight years, I have agonized with a specific loneliness, which has seemed utterly useless and destructive. But this past year, God has spoken to me, by guiding my heart slowly, ever closer to Himself. In the silence of this time, I have prayed more often, and more earnestly than I have for many years. Before, I was content with my spiritual growth, and very intently teaching what I knew, to my children. As my three children were growing up in my absence, it was as though a wild wind was tearing through my soul, and I felt that my ship was sinking. I did not know where I was, and I was afraid. But God calmed my inner storm. 

* And he arose , and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still . And the wind ceased , and there was a great calm. Mark 4:39

Now, I have developed a new longing to KNOW God better. Not only that, but I have need to find out what He wants me to use the rest of my life for. Or at least, the next few years of my existence on earth. Now that I am back from my 7 years mission in Afghanistan, I feel so empty. I feel aimless, useless, and without a goal for the Lord.

* Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not. Psalm 37:7

And thus, these years ahead will prove to be a certain unique time. Through many prayers in my lonely silence, I feel God is telling me something new. Perhaps He would have told me before, but I just never had time to stay still and listen. I have certainly never had the time to just spend in silence, in stillness, and tell my Heavenly Father that I am listening for Him.

* Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah Psalm 4:4 
The revelation is that God loves me even when I am doing nothing specific for Him. He loves me just the way I am - the way He created me - even when I am feeling lost and still. Useless and helpless. Certainly, I know He has more for me to do for Him. But right now, this year, has been His time for me to behold a new epiphany of comprehension. In my "dark time" there has been a light all along. The gentle, soft light of early dawn. The light of the love of my God, in the beginning sunrise of my new life - the life of my older years. It is a process of growth and change.

* Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I almost see that light now. It is still soft, but it illuminates the darkness, and the colors of day are returning slowly. The blacks and grays, the shadows and blurs are taking on hues, shapes, and clarity. I know He will show me what I am to do with my new time of older time. But I don't have to worry any longer. I can be quite content now. My loneliness is virtually gone. My feeling of uselessness has faded away. God has shown me that my life itself is as a flower for Him. The bloom of my life will ever be bright, until my last breath. Just because I live, is not only a gift from God, but also, a gift TO God. What an astounding awakening!

He has created us all to go through stages of life. The peaceful pre-birth has no loneliness. Then we go through birth, infancy/toddlerhood, childhood/teenhood, young adulthood, middle age, old age, death. Each stage has its own business, its own focus, its own purpose. Moving from one stage to another can be very painful.

It occurs to me as I write this note, that each of those stages are longer than the one before, until death. Birth takes hours or days; infancy/toddlerhood takes perhaps three years; childhood/teenhood lasts sixteen years; young adulthood lasts perhaps twenty years, or twenty-five. Middle age, depending on when a person thinks it begins, may last thirty years. Old age may last up to forty years or even more. At least in my family, it does. Each stage overlaps the next, and the new one slides into itself in slow motion.

Our society sends very strong messages via the media, that young adulthood is the only good time of life. This causes people to suffer deep injustices, for there is no template for how to live an older life. There is little guidance to what life will be like, once the fire of passion, the firm skin of youth, the whirlwind of energy has changed. I'm sure it has to do with money. Television can sell products to gullible young people. Movies make tremendous money from young people. Etc. But it leaves at least half of life an open book. An empty page. An unknown land. Many other cultures do not do this. But ours does. So how do we begin charting our new course?

Does one stage prepare us for the next? Is each one lasting longer, because the next will have such new challenges, and the preparing takes longer?

* I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

Loneliness can strike at any age, from the time we are born. But from what I have seen, it often affects us the worst as we grow older. If someone lives to be a hundred, for instance, they have likely outlived all their friends, their spouse, and often most of their children. As we live, we lose those we love, to divorce, to death, or other calamities. The thing that is the hardest, for most, is to be forced to live in a nursing home. That is a loneliness that I cannot even imagine myself of ever enduring.

However, I have seen teenagers in such anguish of extreme loneliness that they cannot sustain the will to live. Conversely, I have seen my own relatives in their late seventies and eighties, frail, but full of the joy of the Lord, and looking forward to seeing Him, and being in Heaven.

It's what we DO with our loneliness that makes the difference. Do we crawl in a hole and hide with our misery? Do we drown our misery in a bottle or a pill? Do we go to strangers, and try to find comfort? Do we go to family and friends, and hunt for comfort? Or do we go to the Lord, where there is always comfort to be found?

I am in motion, as I put my inner thoughts into this note, although the rest of my body is still. For the purpose of God is very slowly being revealed to me; and the love of God for me, is dawning upon me in an altogether new way.

If I had not been so desperately lonely for these eight years, I don't believe I would ever have gone quietly to God in deep need, and talked to Him for so long. I don't think I would have looked at the sky, and told Him I was listening for His guidance. Listening. How much time have I spent listening for God? Not so much until now. I love talking to Him, while looking at the sky. For it makes me feel closer to Him, gazing in His direction. Now, I also remain still, and listen. Occasionally, the solution to a problem will pop into my mind, while I wait quietly. Often a verse, or a line from a hymn, or just a feeling of deep peace will come to me. God speaks to us this way.

I am learning all the time. Shifting emotional gears from one stage of life to another has always been difficult for me. But after this big crunch of poorly shifted gears, over the past eight years, I believe I have moved into a new speed. A slow but smooth speed. I've been in park for so long. But now I am moving. Moving toward a new goal I don't even know about. Yet I have complete faith that God has that goal all ready for me to find.

That hideous loneliness has not been a curse after all. It has been a blessing. It has been a time when God has been putting grease on the gears, so I could shift yet again. My loneliness has been a gift.

I praise God, for loving me enough, to stay with me through all these stages of life, and to continue to teach me, through the ways He created me to learn best.

I NEED YOU NOW

My friend, I need you now

Please take me by the hand.

Stand by me in my hour of need,

Take time to understand.

Take my hand, dear friend,

And lead me from this place.

Chase away my doubts and fears,

Wipe the tears from off my face.

Friend, I cannot stand alone.

I need your hand to hold,

The warmth of your gentle touch

In my world that's grown so cold.

Please be a friend to me

And hold me day by day.

Because with your loving hand in mine,

I know we'll find the way.

Be Focused

An ancient Indian sage was teaching his disciples the art of archery. He put a wooden bird as the target and asked them to aim at the eye of the bird.

The first disciple was asked to describe what he saw. He said, "I see the trees, the branches, the leaves, the sky, the bird and its eye..."

The sage asked this disciple to wait. Then he asked the second disciple the same question and he replied, "I only see the eye of the bird."

The sage said, "Very good, then shoot." The arrow went straight and hit the eye of the bird.

:: Moral of the Story ::
Unless we focus, we cannot achieve our goal.

It is hard to focus and concentrate, but it is a skill that can be learned.

Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You

There comes a time when you must stand alone.

You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.

You must be willing to make sacrifices.

You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.

Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.

There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.

Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.

Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.

Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.

Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.

Thoughts...

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain.             
They steal your energy and keep you from love!

I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day
basis is my choice of attitude, my successes or failures, fame or pain.


It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, what other
people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position.
Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress.

It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope.


When my attitudes are right, there is no barrier too high, no valley too
deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me!

LOVE & SAVAGERY

For the man who walks through the ruins of love and wraps his feet in the bandages of battle
The man behind this brief justice
Is unsure of himself
The unfamiliarity of wind and tide, makes him anxious.
He must shelter his mood and perfect what some may call his sentence.
He has no real illness, and no reason for ignoring the Apostles of verse
Yes, it is I, who fears Jerusalem,
And the Ecclesiastical frames of poetry.
Yet long to hear the final words of decency that tumble from the lips of saints

SOMEONE SPECIAL...

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart.

Never say good-bye if you still want to try-never give up if you still feel you can go on-never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go. Love comes to those who still hope although they've been disappointed- to those who still believe, although they've been betrayed, to those who still need to love, although they've been hurt before, and to those who have the courage and faith to build trust again. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Hope you find the one that makes you smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that special someone. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be , because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts (??!!).

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Forever Friend

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life by being a part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there is really good in this world.
Someone who convinces you that there is
an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.

When you're down, and the world seems dark and empty,
your Forever Friend lifts you up in spirit
and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full.

Your Forever Friend gets you through the hard times,
and the sad times, and the confused times.

If you turn and walk away your Forever Friend follows.
If you lose your way, your Forever Friend guides you and cheers you on.

Your Forever Friend holds your hand
and tells you that everything is going to be a-okay.
And when you find such a Friend, you'll feel happy and complete,
because you need not worry.

You Have A "Forever Friend" For Life
and Forever has No end.

THIS IS TO HAVE SUCCEEDED......

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Me at the top of the world in Nepal

IMPORTANCE OF TRUST

Trust is the treasure of our daily lives. However, we do not understand its value. It is generally seen that trust in our daily lives is disappearing fast. Why have we become so suspicious that we can not enter into meaningful relationships with each other? Why can we not behave as normal human beings? After all when we were born as human beings the first lesson we learnt was that we should trust each other. However, as our lives progressed slowly, trust began to diminish. Our childhood innocence gave way to calculations in which there was no place for trust.

Trust in each other gives strength and vitality to our relationships. It gives us inner happiness, which is priceless. It brings joy all around and life appears brighter and brighter. Its fragrance spreads far and wide. Trust keeps us in a positive mental framework. When you trust each other you feel self-confident. The feeling of believing others is electrifying. It not only provides sense of security but provides us new zeal to fight the vagaries of life. Trusting each other gives us a sense of deep bonding. It signifies that we are united to fight the battles ahead. Trust is a synonym for warmth in our relationships.

With so many advantages of trusting each other how do we feel when germs of mistrust appear? Life appears to be devoid of colour and lacks spontaneity. We behave with each other mechanically like robots. We constantly live with fear and tensions. We live in our shells and we are unable to share with each other. We live in a suppressed condition, which inhibits the growth of our personality. As a result we are not able to contribute towards the betterment of the society. We are not able to create a conducive atmosphere where there is transparency all around. A society whose foundation is built around trust is progressive and dynamic. Lack of trust signifies decay in the society.

 Building up trust is not easy .A lot of conscious efforts has to be made in this direction .We need to nurture our relationships with care. We should not let our ego destroy our relationships. This requires making constant efforts to know each other fully. The more we explore each other the more we can handle each other’s contradictions well. After all most of the problems in relationships occur because we do not want to open up. As a result we tend to look at others with doubt. We live in our own world of likes and dislikes, as we are not able to create a right balance. No doubt people tend to view us with suspicion. If we are balanced and mature in our thoughts and action people will trust us. For this we must shed the habit of finding fault with others, even on a slight pretext. Instead we should identify and make others aware of their positive traits and strengths. This will enhance our credibility, which will lead to building trust. We must not indulge in unhealthy competition by trying to outwit each other. Instead we should master the art of rejoicing in the happiness of others . Good performance of others should spur us to act in a positive manner. Being jealous and competitive will be of no use as it will lead to destroying trust.

No one is perfect in today’s era. If there would have been perfection all around then no trace of mistrust would have been present. We must build trust against the backdrop of limitations in our personalities. Mistrust is itself a reflection of our inadequacies and imperfections in handling our relationships with finesse. After all reform begins at home .Let us reform ourselves by giving time to our relationships and thinking of ways to strengthen them. Trust will then follow naturally.